Its vacation time for Emma and me; we’ve survived the New Year festivities and are relaxing our way through a sunny beach-side Queensland holiday… The ocean is warm, the sand is gloriously soft and I’m feeling as frisky as a squid on Tuesday. Needless to say sex on the beach was a high priority on this beach-side vacation.

Last night we found a quiet side of the beach, it was dark and not a person in sight – so I thought! We start fooling around, just a little. And out of nowhere Emma notices a herd of people walking from the beach directly to us! Why us?! There’s the entire beach! We quickly moved along, looking for a new part of the beach, yet the crowd followed – talk about a collective cock block!

And so ended our beachside romance… Boo! Although foiled it was a fun walking back to civilisation giggling like a pair of 16 year olds that almost been caught.

ROMANTIC VALUE:
There’s no denying it; sex on the beach is up there on the list of romantic things to do but I’m not sure if I’m convinced! I put it into the same category as dancing in the rain – sure it sounds romantic, but what makes it so? At the end of the day you’re just getting wet. I’ve tried that before and had a horrible time! Check it out here

Do you think sex on the beach has romance appeal? Have you tried it before? Could you make it happen?

Relationships are all about games. The Hard-to-get Game. The If-You-Don’t-Know-Why-I’m-Angry-I’m-Not-Going-To-Tell-You Game. The Hide-the… oh, nevermind. The point is, we’re hardly ever straight with each other, us lovebirds.

So the Games Night date seems a perfectly fitting night out for two, when you put it like that.

We found out that the Panama Dining Room in our hometown has boardgames all day Sunday. Glass of wine, plate of tapas, round of Monopoly. What a great G date! This bar-cum-restaurant is uber cool and very classy and we had a wonderfully relaxed night together there.

Wherever in the world you are, I’m sure there’s a bar or pub nearby that stocks the old favourite boardgames and maybe even a fireplace if you’re lucky!

Of course, Games Night can just as easily be done in the comfort of your lounge room. Which means that you can break out the really fun ones such as Twister! Or even, if you’re feeling racy, our personal favourite adult game… Nookii.

We opted for checkers, seeing as we were in public and all. We’re a big fan of the best out of three. Den won the first round, then I won the next two… and I have to say it… he’s a sore loser. Especially when it comes to losing to me. Which is why he has his sad face on here:

All in all a lovely and relaxing date to combat the winter chills… here’s the official rating.

Rate the Date
Romance Factor: 6/10 (bonus romance points if you do find a fireplace or candlelight)
Cheesiness Factor: 7/10 (dependant also on which games you play!)
Fun Factor: 7/10

Perfect night out for two no matter what your mood, great for a rainy afternoon and gives you a chance to chat as well as a nice distraction to focus on if you need it.

This was an encore G games night because we had to put off H for a week or so… planning something fun but it didn’t fall into place, timing-wise. Stay tuned though!

What I love about the Melbourne Comedy Festival is that they run a box office from the Town Hall that you can walk into at any point during the festival and get tickets for whoever you want to see at whatever time you like (providing they’re not sold out already!). Similarly, you can walk in off the street and just go “Who’s on now that’s good?” and the Ticketing guys will talk you through the shows getting the rave reviews.

So we had heard Tom Gleeson was putting on a good show from a few different sources. We rocked in at 8.05pm to the ticket box and in less than ten minutes were at the Vic Hotel with a glass of wine and a beer ready to laugh. Pure date night gold!

This one did cost us a little more than $30 (Double. It cost us double.), but some of the shows won’t set you back that much – particularly if you go on Tightarse Tuesday!

Here’s a little clip from Tom Gleeson at last year’s Comedy Festival Gala (warning: probably NSFW if your boss is a hardarse. Language and adult themes and such.) It’s a particularly funny clip to me because Den happens to BE a male masseur… anyway, just watch it. He’s funny.

And from personal experience we can also recommend the highly inappropriate, extremely hysterical Eddie Ifft – but don’t go if you’re one of those sensitive types… he’s riDONKulously out there and nothing is sacred (just the way we like it.)

On second thought, here’s another Tom Gleeson video from this year’s Gala. Very funny. Enjoy!

This date night blew the budget… blasphemy!!! The total cost came to $46, but it was all for a greater cause – in hope of wooing the wife into getting jiggy with it in the cold of night – hidden away in public. I enjoy being cheeky, God knows I can stir the pot with the best of them, and even though I am a good boy I do enjoy the adrenalin rush of the possibility of being caught (obviously within reason). On this occasion Emma chickened out at the last minute.

The main focus of date night was to hit Melbourne’s Eureka Tower – the observation deck (88 stories high). I hate heights, it terrifies me and if you force me up high you’ll get an ear bashing for days afterwards. The Eureka Tower… not so scary.

Let it be known that heights in theme parks are not my forte and I will happily gouge your eyes out to ensure I do not make it on a ride. We learnt this the hard way.

Happy snaps of the city lights were taken, but honestly we suck at photography. My hat goes off to the professional shutterbugs that can get a good night shot! Accompanied with a SLR and a tripod – feeling like extreme tourists and complete dicks we faffed around until we got the shots that looked great on a small 3 inch screen. But now looking at the shots – hmm, not that good!!!!

Peering through the binoculars we found our apartment – and had clear view into the lounge room of “the guy across the hall.”

Well enough to see his TV flickering. If he was prancing around naked I’m positive you’ll be able to catch a good view.

Eureka Towers for two = $33. I recommend it once – but if you’ve done an observation deck once, you’ve pretty much done them all.

Although over budget, Emma still wanted Gelato – “sure… but Emma, going over budget is going to cost ya in other favours!”

With that thought implanted we chuckled over the cheekiness – walking back home along the river, gelato in hand (which do say was fantastico!!! – from some place in Southbank, upstairs near Bluetrain – hey, maybe we should add that place to the $30 Date Night list…) we searched for places that may be appropriate for you know… *a-hem*.

To be honest I knew what the outcome would be a negative but pushing Emma’s comfort circle was just as fun. I proposed a place along the river very close to the St. Kilda Road Bridge – it looked secluded – that was until we were standing on the actual St. Kilda Road Bridge looking at my proposed hiding space. Emma shrieked “It’s got a spot light pointing right into your spot!!!”

All in all – a fun date night. Nothing fancy but we did laugh our butts off which makes it a pretty good time in my eyes.

The place wasn’t much to look at – fluorescent 7-Eleven lighting that accentuates every flaw just so… sticky tabletops (DIY wipe down, apparently) and the television playing Funniest Home Videos in the background… really not the most romantic setting for a hot date. But the place is always packed… and if the décor looks that bad, then it can only mean one thing. That the Pho is really good.

And it was! After passing up the Tripe and Marrow varieties (maybe next time…), I ordered a vegetarian one and Den had the beef and “pork loaf” chilli special. Two steaming bowls of vegetables, meats and noodles were placed in front of us along with the lemon wedges, chillis, bean sprouts and basil to add, to your own taste.

It was delicious! My vegetarian tasted suspiciously like it was floating in chicken broth, but I do eat meat so that didn’t bother me… I imagine they use Pho like Westerners use chicken soup – restorative, calming, relieves all that ails you… A table of six sat down next to us chatting noisily but as soon as their soup arrived, all you could hear was silence (well, Funniest Home Videos) and the occasional slurping.

Oh, yes. The slurping. You know what? I wouldn’t recommend Pho as a first date. It’s messy, you have to negotiate the chopsticks, the noodles, the hot broth… you dribble it down your chin and you spend the entire time with your head down, poking around in your bowl to find out what other treasures may be sunken inside. Not a lot of chatting gets done, and if you do get a moment to talk, you most likely have food on your face as you’re doing it.

But for any couples comfortable enough with each other to slurp noisily away, it’s a great, cheap night out! Two huge bowls of Pho, a Coke and endless tea cost us AUD$20.00. We rounded the night off with a drink at a nearby bar and voila! You have yourself a great night out and great food to boot.

Rate the Date

Romance Factor: 1/5
Cheese Factor: 1/5
Fun Factor: 4/5

Overall: Wonderful food, cheap date out and great for longterm couples… not recommended for a first date! Too much slurpage!

So I couldn’t think of a date night more perfect than taking him to a video game arcade and cashing our thirty bucks into coins to spend the evening running around like little kids…

He seemed taken aback that I was a willing participant in the whole thing, and I can’t blame him. The amount of time I spend trying to get his attention while he blithely kills zombies (he has this bizarre game called Dead Head Fred, and as far as I can gather, the aim of it is to collect as many different heads as he can and swap them around as he runs through a graveyard…) and crashes cars (he drives them too, I’m pretty sure. OR races them. OR something.) is ridiculous. I openly hate the damn Playstation and would gladly throw it off our 19th-floor balcony if I didn’t fear the Wrath of Den so much… If I did chuck it overboard, I have a feeling I’d be heading face-first after it! I once accidentally knocked it off the arm of the couch as I walked past and it lost two weeks of data from the memory-card-thingy… he could barely look me in the eye for three days, he was that disappointed with me!!

The thing is, while pressing buttons on a machine is not really my thing, put a plastic gun in my hands and I’m Lara Croft all of a sudden!

Yeah, I whupped ass. Virtual reality is my thing, I guess… to the point where I was even ducking from imaginary zombies during Time Crisis (I know, what a dork), in which I TOTALLY WON AFTER DEN WAS KNOCKED OUT ON LEVEL 3! GO ME!

We moved through to Daytona (I sucked at it; which was to be expected, I’m not the best driver in the world) the motorbike ones (marginally better) and Point Blank (an old favourite!). We had a blast, had lots of laughs and topped the night off with a strip of old-school photos from the photo booth as a memento. Aww.

Great date night if you’re feeling like having a bit of silly fun! Highly recommend it.

Rate the Date

Romance Factor: 1/5
Cheese Factor: 4/5
Fun Factor: 4/5

Overall: A great date idea for burning off some energy, giggling like children and killing a few hours. Highly recommended!

I was going through the $30 Date Night site looking for a date idea that would blow me away… nothing popped out at me a grabbed me. Madly pressing the red button I cruised past the Bingo suggestion. It’s such a stupid date suggestion I didn’t even notice it… but, like the subliminal promos played at the movies back in the day, my mind couldn’t focus on much after Bingo.

It’s difficult to get excited about something that you think is going to be shit! I pictured a rundown shack lit by florescent lighting, the aroma of a deep fryer that hasn’t been filtered in 4 weeks, a sea of coin slot machines and massed by the elderly and, uh… bogans!

OMG, what have I got us into?

NOT OUR CROWD

We drove to the outskirts of Melbourne… Fawkner (way out north!) It’s where no city folk are game to travel. When we got there the Bingo car park was FULL! Seriously jam packed! The venue was massive!!! Much larger than what I expected, and yep there were a few slot machines but the place was clean and well presented.

I had called the center before hand for instructions on how the night works. I figured I’d rather look like a dick to one person than not have a clue in front of a crowd. When we got to the counter, the lady knew immediately who I was… embarrassing? yep!! “Are you the guy that called earlier?” How did she know…? She was lovely, explained how everything worked – but it didn’t sink in. We bought $32 worth of books, which got us 8 books (well it is $30 date night).

We walked into the hall – it was HUGE! And packed with a diverse range of people – yep… not the typical crowd that we’re used to.

At this point, Emma and I were feeling so far out of our comfort circle that we couldn’t even find ourselves a seat. Luckily, people in general are nice, and the organisers were helpful enough to find us a seat together.

BASIC INSTRUCTIONS

1 book has several games in it coded by color. Each game lasts approximately 60 seconds. Each Bingo session will go through an entire book, which is something like 7 or 8 games (not sure wasn’t counting). The more books you play with the better chance you have at winning. Like lottery tickets, play with 1 line of numbers or 32 lines… etc. Just means the more numbers you have to belt through to mark off.

Emma and I played with 2 books at a time – the lady at the counter advised against it because she says “they read out the numbers fast!” Well… yep they do! It’s insanely fast… yet looking around the room some people were marking off 8 books at a time!

IT’S FAST! HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES…

If the caller was serving tennis balls as fast as she was calling out the numbers, Roger Federer wouldn’t stand a chance. It seriously fast, which made it a lot of fun. Emma and I didn’t mean to fill ourselves with sugar before Bingo started, but it proved to our advantage… with sugar loaded our minds were at our peak to absorb the fast paced numbers and mark them off!

After 30 minutes our sugar levels dropped – things turned bad for our heroes.

The concentration levels started to fail. 36 – 21 – 7 – 9 – what’s on for tomorrow? – 76? – Shit what was the last number? – Damn it missed that number – MAYDAY… MAYDAY… bingo player down!

DON’T MESS WITH A BINGO PLAYER

The atmosphere was something else… there’s a massive hall, with a serious amount of people in it. It was packed out, and why wouldn’t it be, the grand prize for the night was $10,000. Unlike the lottery, we were going to keep playing till that $10,000 prize was won!

For a room of approx 500 people I was expecting more chatter, but Bingo players are not ones to socialize – they’re an interesting breed. The room has a slight tone of chatter muttering throughout while the caller is prepping to start the game… without a change in pitch, speed or momentum the caller says “first number” and the mob turns ghostly quiet… heads down and sharpies madly marking paper.

A mobile phone goes off close by to us… it has been set to vibrate yet it was enough to drive the mob wild! The caller had to stop just in case it was someone who muttered bingo but they knew better. The room was unsettled with people yelling out over the top of hundreds of disappointed sighs, until the caller said “next number” and then *BOOM* in an instant people were over their disappointment and they were back into it.

SHUT UP!

We had met the most lovely lady on our table… dubbed our BINGO ANGEL (only because we forgot to ask her name, but we did get her picture.) She gave me and Emma a real sharpie to borrow… each! Allowing us to discard our measly pens which don’t stack up in the Bingo world.

Our table sat out of one of the games, waiting patiently and quietly for the game to finish… I had to hold myself back – a room full of people, an audience… I so badly just wanted to call something out although I knew it would be instant death!!! Our BINGO ANGEL opened an individually wrapped mentos and quietly popped it in her mouth. It was enough to set a lady on the table next to us off! When the game had finished the lady had no reservation to put her opinion forth and ask for quiet on the court. Bingo is serious stuff – a religion not to be reckoned with!

ALMOST WON!

Bingo is a lot of fun… I almost filled out an entire game… I was one number off which would have netted me 120 big ones. But the anticipation of waiting for that number to come up was better than winning the cash. My heart rate elevated, mouth a little dry, the anticipation of calling out bingo as soon as that number comes up was intense. Everyone said, “If you hear your last number come up – don’t mark it off just yell out bingo! Cause if they call out another number before you yell out bingo you you’ve lost your chance.” Boy oh boy the pressure… how are the oldies not getting angina from this game?

$10,000 game…

It’s ALL about this game! 60 seconds of play and someone was going home $10,000 richer. I had not noticed, but Emma did… people were putting on their jackets, scarfs and hats in preparation for this game (its winter here).

The game begins and I’m off like a rocket – marking 6 numbers off in a matter of 3 seconds then nothing for what felt like an eternity. I had marked off 3 / 4 of my book and the adrenalin really kicks – concentrate Den, trust your brain to process the numbers and your hand to mark them off, then suddenly… “BINGO!” A lady yells out only 4 tables up from me…

People leap from their seats and dash for the exits. I couldn’t believe it… someone had just won $10,000 and no one claps! No congratulations? Those who lost the $10,000 game were now in a new race – the first to get out the door. What a site!!! Emma, BINGO ANGEL and I sat back to watch the spectacle of a mob disbanding while ONE person sits in elation repeating to herself “oh my God, oh my God… I just won $10,000.” I gave her a gentle clap, and a smile. BINGO ANGEL (a regular to the scene) says “it’s like this every week – a mad rush out of here. You should come and see what it’s like on Pension’s Pay Day!”

THE END RESULT

Would I do it again? HELL YES!

It was a lot of fun, but unfortunately we cannot do it again for date night cause you are not allowed to repeat the same date night twice (well at least within 12 months.)

I’m also rapt that we took ourselves way out of our comfort circle. What I thought would be a shitty night out ended up quite the opposite. Em’s and I couldn’t stop chatting about it on the drive home.

Rate the Date:

Romance Factor: 0/5 (Fluro lights are not your friend)

Cheese Factor: 4/5

Fun Factor: 5/5

Overview: Hiliarious date night, totally pushes your comfort circle and you may even win some moolah! A definite success – go next week!

Dominique Portet's Famous Rose

The Local Produce Plate at Dominique Portet

The Pentanque Pitch

Gorgeous Winery!

…all for under $30! Great date night in Melbourne’s Yarra Valley… go find your own local winery reigon and seek out some cellar door specials! Enjoy!

Rate the Date

Romance Factor: 5/5 – Gorgeous wine region drive, beautiful views, great food and great wine
Cheese Factor: 1/5
Fun Factor: 3/5

Overall: Wonderful date for a lazy Sunday. Opportunity for great conversation and connection. Just lovely.

Let me start by getting one thing very clear: I love my cheese. I would eat cheese all day, every day if I possibly could. Soft, hard, aged, blue, stinky… however I can get it, I’m in. So you can imagine I was expecting something pretty spectacular when it came to fondue night.

And Den? Well, as it turns out Den was expecting something even more than spectacular when it came to fondue night. I didn’t twig at first, but on the way to the restaurant he asked ‘So there’s just the fondue in the middle of the room and you go up and dunk stuff into it?’ I told him that no, we would get our own fondue on the table. He looked impressed, and slightly confused. I let it go.
So we get to the restaurant and order the fondue (this date night went WAY over the $30 mark by the way, but you can definitely replicate at home for under the budget, or your own local Swiss restaurant (?) may have reasonable fondue prices). We’re told it’s two kinds of cheese and a LOT of schnapps, served only with bread (don’t they usually chop up veggies and meats and stuff with it? Or is that the Western world’s take on it?).

As the waitress brings the enormous, molten bowl of fondue over and sets it on the open flame, Den’s face falls. She walks away and he leans over ‘We got jibbed, huh?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, where’s the three-tiered fountain?’

The poor guy! What a let-down! He was thinking of the chocolate fondue fountains you see so often at cocktail parties and thought that was the traditional Swiss way of preparing all fondues! And then I clicked! He thought that the Swiss Club would be sporting a HUGE cheese fountain of fondue in the middle of the room that you could walk up to and stick skewered food into!! Too cute.

As if the presentation wasn’t tainted enough for him, it soon became apparent that a meal of just bread and melted cheese laden with a litre of schnapps wasn’t really our cup of tea. I kid you not, I could’ve gotten woozy off the fumes alone! I think it would’ve been great if it wasn’t so potent!
After a few hunks of bread dipped in booze, we started to feel a bit heady – cheap drunks that we are!

It was hard to eat too much of… but we didn’t want to offend the Swiss and risk un-neutralising them! We battled on, and turned it into a drinking game! (Pure genius of me!). We played the ABC’s of Sex (courtesy of my iPhone DrinkingLite app) – the game goes like this: you start with the letter A and each person in the group (well, the two of us) says something sexual that starts with that letter. When someone can’t think of another sexy ‘A’ word, they “shoot” (or in our case, dunk a hunk of bread in the fondue and eat it), then you move on to ‘B’. We giggled like schoolgirls and blushed as we whispered dirty words to each other across the table… I did get rather enthusiastic at one point and shouted out ‘GANGBANG’ at the last second before forefeiting the G-round, so my apologies to the lovely, older Swiss gentleman that was minding his own business at the table next to us! By the time we got to H, we had lost the will to live and promptly abandoned the fondue.

All in all, a bit of a disaster of a meal but a funny date night nonetheless, which just goes to show that you make your own fun, assuming you’re both in a good mood with each other!

If you are going out for your fondue date night, I have to recommend the chocolate version. A hell of a lot more sexy…. Here is a great recipe, serve it up with cut fruit, marshmallows and sweet pastry, and make a rule that whoever drops a piece of food into the fondue has to remove an article of clothing, 70s style!

Move over Rockpool, Vue De Monde and Nobu… there’s a hidden secret out there that deserves a chef’s hat (Michelin star) from each of you. Sure I’m no food critic, but I do love my food! And yes, my opinion may not mean much, but this is it… and here it is!

Food gets me going – I love it! Colors, textures and tastes – it’s all amazing to me! I love fine dining restaurants, but I cannot stand snobby upperclass wannabies that only eat at such places. And it seems that this is the type of people the $30 Date Night site attracts – go figure?

Kind of sad tho… I just checked the stats out on the Elwood RSL date idea, and 9 voters have voiced their opinion about the Elwood RSL… 3 love it / 6 hate it.

6 crazy people!!!

I announced to Emma that I was taking her out for Date Night and that we would be dining out for the evening. Last month Emma cut me down – she cut me deep with an “apparent lack of effort into date night.” So I felt it was necessary to warn her that she should not expect too much of what is in store for her.

Her next question was “Do I need to change for tonight?” I said “No.”

(see right –> Emma was wearing jeans and some cheap-ass chequered cowboy top – geez I really hope she doesn’t read this post – or else she’ll kill me!)

Ems responded… “We’re going to the Elwood RSL,aren’t we?” I answered… “D’OH.”

The surprise element to the evening was blown, but at least she knew what she was in for = no disappointment as Em’s expectations were now low.

When we reached the RSL the place was packed. Yep, who would have thought that I needed a booking? So for your reference, here’s the number (03) 9531 4331. Remember guys, this restaurant is based in Melbourne Australia. Funnily enough, Ems was not that annoyed – hoorah! Bless the lack of expectations!!!

When seated we were given the menu – YUM. The choices – so many… do I have Steak and Guinness Pie or the Roast?

What of a dill of a pickle to be in… BOTH dishes cost under AUD$15 and they both come with garlic mash which didn’t make the choice any easier. There’s no table service so you have to go to the counter to order and pay. Easy – I’ll let the chick at the counter decide what I want…

“Sorry – we’ve run out of both the pie and the roast!” Ahh dammit!!!! I was sooo looking forward to eating both of them! Counter lady wasn’t too bothered by my puppy dog face.. she bounced back with “have the eye fillet, its only $24.”

Steak and I have this kind of bond you see… we like each other – a lot! But it takes a special kind of place to cook a good steak. Even my favourite steak houses don’t seem to get it right half the time. So I was a little dubious – AND the steak broke our budget of the $30 date night… bah, rules are meant to be broken. I went for the steak – Em’s had a burger.

The Elwood RSL had a 3 man band playing (Whisky Gypsies) which were amazing! A taste of Acoustic European – don’t ask me what that means… they played a U2 track, I guess Ireland falls into the Europe category??? But the highlight of the night was the steak… OH MY GOD!!! Cooked to perfection, this place knows what medium rare means – and the cut was magnificent! I want to go back there again tonight!

You know what – I can keep raving about this place for the next 3 posts but I’m going to stop right here… if you live in Melbourne – make the Elwood RSL your date night this week! Em’s and I had a blast, you can get away with 2 massive meals for under $30 but realistically with drinks it may cost you a little more. We spent close to $60 after buying the most expensive meal on the list as well as 4 glasses of wine… that is still amazing value!