Everyone’s got a different idea of romance…

lets take Valentine’s Day for example. It’s around the corner (only a few weeks away) and it’s pimped out as the MOST romantic day of the year.

Whether you accept it or not, that is how most of us feel.

In a perfect world what would your partner do for you on Valentine’s Day? How do you want to be romanced?

Saying “I want him to sweep me off my feet” simply doesn’t cut it, you should be able to define what he/she needs to do to sweep you off your feet.

This romantic notion has got me thinking… This year $30 Date Night turns three years old. This means that for over three years, Emma and I have had a regular date night.
At first date night was about romance; making our relationship spark. Three years later and our focus moves to “Sharing New Experiences.”

You’ll agree that many of our date reviews are far from romantic – and rightly so I believe.
I believe there comes a point when there is only so much romance one can take.

At the beginning everything is romantic, but if you do dinner over and over each night, how romantic can you make your Valentine’s Day dinner when you’ve done it so many times before?

Now I’m not saying that I’m giving up on romance, and I certainly believe that in this year’s themed resolution of “Sharing New Experiences” Emma and I can find new romantic experiences which I’m excited about. I’m just wondering…

In a world where we’ve done it all before, what would make your heart tick? Or has your Valentine’s Day routine exhausted its romantic appeal?

Happy Australia Day to our fellow Aussies!

Me? I like to keep a bit of mystery going on in a relationship. Some things are best done behind closed doors.

Hell, I wouldn’t even reference my underarms in front of my husband, never mind letting him near them with a tub of hot wax.

I can happily tell you that in my entire life, I have never once whipped out a razor or wax strips in front of a guy. I don’t leave the toilet door open, belch or cut the cheese in front of Mr Man.

I’m a lady, dammit, and I’m more than happy if the men in my life have no clue how or why my legs get to be so silky smooth and hairless.

I figure it’s kind of like a tree falling in the woods: If no one is around to see it, does it actually fall?

It’s not that I think it would turn him off for life. I just like to keep a modicum of privacy about myself… and my hair removal tactics.

But as it turns out, I’m a bit of a prude when it comes to my attitude in this department.

A recent survey of 3000 women revealed that only 18 per cent purposely keep their beauty routine to themselves, even after getting comfortable in a relationship.

Seems most are happy to get around with their Nair on their legs, plucking chin whiskers or whatnot in front of their partner.

I admire the openness. I just can’t bring myself to do it.

It’s not a subject people take lightly.

When I wrote a while ago in a blog post that I found my husband’s glee in noisy bodily functions gross, one venomous commenter who thought I was particularly prudish wished him colon cancer so I could “learn my lesson”. Ouch.

Before anyone else jumps on that bandwagon I want to be clear: Let’s not wish anyone colon cancer over this.

It’s the lack of manners that gets to me.

I just don’t think “pull my finger” is appropriate dinner table conversation.

There are many – men and women – that will disagree with me.

Plenty of women are much more relaxed about their bathroom privacy, some even comfortable enough to, er, “go” with th door hopen or even, (shudder) with their partner in the room.

It’s a fierce debate that will no doubt continue to rage for eons.

“Door closed.” votes Lady V. “I mean come on, we’re not savages!”

I have to agree – I like to think we have options. We don’t have to have an open-door policy just because we feel comfortable with our partner.

And regardless of what eye-opening experiences you’ve shared with your partner in the past, perhaps reclaiming a small slice of privacy could be just the refresher your relationship needs.

New York Times Magazine recently published this long piece on whether marriage is good for your health or not. Very early studies into the matter, circa 1858, concluded that marriage is a healthy estate and that single people died from disease “in undue proportion” to their married counterparts.

New, updated research is being carried out on the subject of marriage and health at the moment, with researchers finding that it is not simply the act of being married that ensures you better health, but whether the marriage is a happy one or not.

Says the article:

“While it’s clear that marriage is profoundly connected to health and well-being, new research is increasingly presenting a more nuanced view of the so-called marriage advantage.

Several new studies, for instance, show that the marriage advantage doesn’t extend to those in troubled relationships, which can leave a person far less healthy than if he or she had never married at all.

One recent study suggests that a stressful marriage can be as bad for the heart as a regular smoking habit. And despite years of research suggesting that single people have poorer health than those who marry, a major study released last year concluded that single people who have never married have better health than those who married and then divorced.”

So happy married people are better off, health-wise, than single people. But if you’re going to be in a bad marriage, you may as well be single for the sake of your health. And if you’ve gotten divorced once, the research suggests that we find that experience so stressful that it’s hard to recover from.

Sounds intense.

This research is all borne from the emerging area of science known as psychoneuroimmunology, which concerns the interplay between behavior, the immune and endocrine systems and the brain and nervous system. Spiritual types have been onto this “you are what you think” field for years, seems like science is catching up now.

A bad marriage can be as bad for your heart as a smoking habit. Quite literally, if you have your heart broken you won’t ever fully recover?

What do you think?

“I just sent a text to my ex,” she confided.

“Do you think that was a mistake?”

Not just once. It turns out she had sent him two messages. Once to say “I’m at such-and-such bar.” Then again to say, “Sorry, sent that to the wrong person.”

Of course she hadn’t actually sent it to the wrong person. She just wanted him to know where she was but didn’t want him to know that she wanted him to know where she was.

Make sense?

Well it worked. He turned up and they went home together that night.

I shamefully confess that I have played a similar game.

I once got all dressed up on a Friday night, sure that this particular guy that I’d been seeing for awhile would call me for a drink or to hang out.

I didn’t want to be caught unawares so I went through the hair/make-up/outfit process only to find my phone silent.

So of course I did what any self-respecting girl would do. I rang him and trilled nonchalantly that a friend had stood me up last minute and I was quite literally all dressed up with nowhere to go.

We ended up catching up that night (score one, Team Emma!)

And he was oblivious to my little game.

Of course men say they hate women who play games, and yet have their own set of tricks.

It’s no wonder girls keep playing the games – we’re not supposed to call, we’re not supposed to chase, we’re not supposed to come on too strong.

Of course textual manipulation is just one of the ways around this.

There’s make-him-jealous moves, the silent treatment and the play-hard-to-get-tactic – all of which can blow up in a girl’s face.

But what’s really behind it? Are these little games the only way we can bait men without fear of outright rejection?

And is it at the expense of our own sanity? Surely no sane and balanced woman wants to feel like a crazy, manipulative witch?

The fact is, all that game playing can get downright exhausting – because, in fact, you’re driving yourself crazy.

Girls will self-destructively mull for hours over what a guy is possibly playing at. But guys are usually unaware they’re playing (or being played) at all.

It’s not that they all sit around thinking about footy scores but they’re certainly not dissecting every character in an SMS to find out “what it really means”.

Is it time to throw in the bat and ball and be adults, or are games still the only way to win?

Anyway, I was reminded of the days when he and I were first together. Being the vain creature that I am (well, if you’d seen my skin in those days you’d probably be on my side) I would wait until he was asleep to creep out and wash my make up off, then inevitably snap my eyes wide awake at some ridiculous hour of the morning and sneak again into the bathroom to touch up my face before slipping back into bed and reawaking a few hours later, supposedly “naturally gorgeous”. Ha.

How’s that for false advertising? The silly things we do. Anyone else guilty of the same? I’d wager money that there’s more than a handful of women out there who have done the same!

The divorce rate is insane, and divorces are easier and cheaper than ever to go through with.

Meanwhile, something like 40% of children are born out of wedlock, proving that we no longer need to be married to raise a family. In addition to that, the stigma of having children without marriage is long gone. Hell, you don’t even need a man to have a child anymore. You can do it on your own with enough money and courage.

What does this mean for the institute of marriage? Is it becoming unfashionable to be married?

I’m still collecting my thoughts on all this. The subject is huge, obviously. It’s a lot of sorting. I’m interested in everyone’s opinions on it. So please feel free to comment here.

Let’s start with this. If you’re married, why did you decide to get married? If you’re actively against marriage, why is that?

Plenty more posts to come in future weeks with musings about it… I’m fascinated with it at the moment.

I’m wearing a dress today that I adore. It’s just a cheap and cheerful that I picked up for practically nothing a few years ago, and every summer I traipse it out happily, loving the fun watermelon colour and the vintage-inspired lattice cut-outs.

I know for a fact that it was a good find because every time I wear it, at least one girl comes up to me on the street to tell me that they love it.

It’s one of those little numbers that I feel great in every time I slip it on. Great, until – I see the look on Den’s face.

Guys. They hate this dress. It’s a baby-doll style, which just doesn’t seem to translate when you have a Y-chromosome. We think: “feminine and floaty”, they think: “pregnant”.

Other lost in translation trends include any outfit from Carrie Bradshaw’s collection, harem pants, boyfriend jeans, maxi dresses and of course, high-waisted pants.

I own a pair of those too. And almost every guy I know (do they conference on this?) calls me “Harry High Pants” to my face when I wear them. I insist they’re “classic”, they insist they’re “80s”.

It’s a decision ladies need to make on a daily basis: to dress for the guys or to dress for the girls?

The debate is not a new one. Who are we looking to impress when it comes to our wardrobes? Rationality would tell me that I would most want to appeal to my husband. If I was single and looking for a relationship, I would probably want to be dressing for men too.

My outfit choices often say different.

Biology plays into it too. A recent study found that – consciously or not – women dress more provocatively when they are ovulating. Advertising your fertility is a biological phenomenon throughout the animal kingdom, only we use fashion instead of having our butts light up neon like baboon primates.

So why do so many women insist on following fashion trends, when the only reaction we seem to be getting from your average man is ridicule?

Then again, if we did leave our fashion choices to the whims of red-blooded, hetero Australian males, would we be condemning ourselves to a lifetime of tight dresses and high heels?

The good news is, the men may adapt before we have to. Daniel Dykes of Fashionising.com is one of Australia’s most fashionable straight men and a self-confessed harem-pant-lover. He credits the internet with bringing more highbrow fashion to Australia and thinks men will just have to get used to a new fashion aesthetic.

“As Australian men see more and more gorgeous women trying fashion-forward trends, their idea of what is sexy will eventually shift.”

Perhaps fashion is just an acquired taste?

I am fast learning that my husband is a creature of habit. He gets very comfortable with the things that he knows well. For example: All day every day, we hear the same four music tracks over and over and over and over…. and over… and over. Every few months he finds a new set of music tracks to play over and over and… well, you get the idea. He’s lucky the world has gone digital, if he were playing a cassette tape it would’ve broken by now from sheer use. If he were playing a CD, he’d blow up the player.

It’s not that I hate his taste in music – for the most part, I can tolerate it. The first hundred times or so, I barely notice it. Sometimes I even sing along. But (he’s playing it as I write this) by now, it just makes me want to stab myself in the ear with a pen to stop the noise.

He asked this morning if I’d prefer he wear headphones, which was very thoughtful and sweet of him. I think I now need to take him up on it.

Denis. Honey. I changed my mind. Please put your headphones on. (Speaking of headphones, how hot are the pictured ones from Swarovski Fashion?!)

What about you? Hate your partner’s music taste? Do they obsessively play the same stuff over and over? Is it a showdown for control of the sound system every day or do you plug in your own iPods and live in separate music worlds?

G. – the object of his affection – is tall, good-looking, and also happens to be our next door neighbour.

They see each other every day. They are members of the same gym, take frequent coffee breaks and if they can’t be in the same room together, I often catch them Skyping instant messages back and forth.

We joke all the time that he sees more of G. than he does of me. In all seriousness, I think that’s probably true.

It’s so serious, that when G. recently went on a two-week holiday, I had to pick up the moping pieces as Den complained that the fortnight was “dragging” without his accomplice there.

I’ve since Googled it – and diagnosed a Bromance.

A Bromance is a close friendship between two heterosexual males that is completely platonic. It does, however, involve a certain degree of intimacy, understanding and mutual admiration.

To the point that some wives and girlfriends are becoming jealous.

Bromancing is a relatively new trend for men. Waning are the days of steadfast, “manly” men who shutdown their emotions, lest they be regarded as wimpy. Male friendships of the past have usually revolved around watching some sort of competitive sport or going fishing together with a few tinnies in hand.

These days, they’re talking about feelings, sharing meaningful stories and spending hours and hours together on the phone… Could men finally be developing some quality outlets for talking about their emotions – with other men, no less?

Women have bonded together since prehistoric days, working together to support each other through relationships, child-rearing and household duties. Every gal has her best friends she can turn to in times of need, and now it seems – so do the menfolk.

It’s no surprise that experts have found that having a close-knit Bromance can make a man a better husband and father and is a sign of a well-adjusted, confident man.

For years, men have suffered the mental and emotional consequences of not being naturally social beings. This new cultural breakthrough will help to combat instances of depression and isolation and could even increase their lifespan.

So women, if your man is spending a lot of time with the “other man”, be thankful. Make an effort to embrace his friends into your life and be happy that he’s found someone he can share good times with.

If you’re thinking of Alphabet Dating, now’s a great time to start. You can check back in every week to get ideas, or just head straight over to $30 Date Night and see what’s doing over there that interests you.

A is for African Cuisine
Find a local African cafe that serves traditional food, eaten with your hands in true African style.

A is for Acrobatics
Attend a local circus or tumbling course together and learn something new!

A is for Airport
Head to the viewing area of your local airport and watch the planes come in. Take a picnic with you to make it even more special!

A is for Apple Picking
If it’s apple season, find a pick-your-own orchard where you can spend an afternoon among the fruit trees. Take your spoils home and bake apple pie together afterwards.

A is for Art Gallery
Take your date to see an art exhibition or to a gallery opening!

A is for Arcade
Cash your $30 into coins and be big kids again at a video game arcade with your sweetheart for date night!

A is for Audience
Become part of the audience for a fun live TV show. Apply online – it’s usually free – and go see behind the scenes at a TV studio. If you go for a game show you may even win some money!

A is for Automobile
Take a cruise in your automobile with your sweetie by your side.

A is for getting Arty
This is a great at-home date if you can’t leave the house because you have children. Pick up some paper, professional graphite pencils and take a quick online tutorial on how to draw. Then have your partner pose for you while you sketch an arty image of them. Take turns posing! You may even convince them to let you practice your life drawing if you’re lucky!

Got any more dates beginning with A for us?